Thoughts on Singleness
This past Saturday I had the privilege to help photograph the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. Brandon Kindle. It was a beautiful event. Watching two of your friends exchange vows stirs up a multitude of emotions. It is such a blessing to see two amazing individuals make a commitment to God and each other to spend the rest of their lives loving and serving one another and being a picture of Christ and the Church. There is much joy and happiness found in this. However, these feelings are often bittersweet. If you are single, weddings are a huge reminder of your current state. Like one author says, “While others walk down the wedding aisle to receive the golden gift of marriage, I’m standing to the side, sullenly holding my useless thingy-do of singleness.”
If I were not consumed with the stresses of capturing every moment for the bride and groom, I too, would have more than likely found myself bathing in self-pity. I have found myself at a point in my life where almost all of my friends are married. But not only that, they are now all starting to have babies. It is easy to find yourself in a state of despair when you realize you are coming up on yet another birthday with no hope of marriage in sight. If I am not careful, I can find myself in a dangerous state. This isn’t just self-pity, it is a state of unbelief. It’s a lack of trust in the Lord and His providence for my life. I am reading a book right now called, “Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God With a Hope Deferred.” Here is a quote that I find myself having read over and over again to encourage my heart and remind myself that God is control:
“Ultimately, we are single because that’s God’s will for us right now. That’s it. It’s not because we are too old, too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too quiet, too loud, too smart, too simple, too demanding, or too anything else. It’s not wholly because of past failures or sin tendencies. It’s not because we’re of one race when many of the men around us are of another. It’s not because the men we know lean toward passive temperaments. It’s not because there are more women than men in our singles group. It’s not because our church doesn’t even have a singles group. Though perhaps these things seem like valid reasons, they don’t trump God’s will…
“One more thought: I’ve often heard married people say to singles that we won’t get married until we’re content in our singleness, but I humbly submit this is error. I’m sure that it is offered by well-meaning couples who want to see their single friends happy and content in God’s provision, but it creates a works-based mentality to receiving gifts, which can lead to condemnation. The Lord doesn’t require that we attain a particular state before he grants a gift. We can’t earn any particular spiritual gift any more than we can earn our own salvation. It’s all of grace.”
It encourages my heart to know that this is not just a phase of my life, but it is a gift from God. This is God’s best for me right now. As a child of God, it is impossible for him to give me anything less than what is best for me. Carolyn McCulley, the author of this book, also points out the purpose of our gift– it is for the local church. She says, “without the context and eternal purpose of the church, singleness can seem like the waiting room of adulthood. Within the context and eternal purpose of the church, singleness truly is a gift for the common good of others. We can love the bride of Christ by joyfully investing the “firstfruits” of our resources, affections, and time in our churches.”
I still hope that the Lord one day blesses me with the gift of marriage, and I pray to that end. However, I can’t sit around and use my time as a “waiting room” for my life to start. The Lord has given me a gift of singleness and I want to use it to serve Him and his bride and be an encouragement to my friends and family. The Lord knows the desires of my heart and I trust him with them.
“The LORD bestows favor and honor. No good things does he withold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11